I'll be there anytime
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: When a wish finally turns into reality. WK, pure romance. Following the lyrics of Beth Gibbons' song, 'Mysteries'.
1. End of a wish

**I'll be there anytime**

**God knows how I adore life**

**When the wind turns on the shores lies another day**

**I cannot ask for more**

August 1994.

She had made a wish once, when she was six years old. Very carefully she had closed her eyes and taken a deep breath. The words had resounded in her head, caressed her lips but nonetheless stayed inside before reaching her heart and warming it up hopefully. It had only lasted a couple of seconds or so but she had kept it in mind throughout the years as if such an absurd act would ever be able to find a resonance in her life.

God bless the naivety of men for being tempted by the ridiculousness of superstition. Her father died the same year and everything changed from then on. The innocence of her days got stolen by the sharpness of the loss and she had had to turn a page over the comforting aspect of a couple of dreams, fragile silent hopes.

She never tried again, never abdicated before the idea that if she persevered, her wishes might be granted. It seemed that reality had nothing to do with foolish notions that only made you suffer at the end for them belonging to a pure world of fiction.

That must be why it took her by surprise, three decades and a half later; at the most unexpected moment, the wrong one. But the eluded lapse of time only emphasized the gap between the moment she had closed her eyes _ made the wish _ and the way it finally turned out.

She would have never thought that it would hit her so hard, as a child.

xxxxxxx

It was when the sun was sliding over the ocean through pale shades of a warm light. People had finally packed their belongings and come back home, abandoning the beach to the quietness of the end of the day.

She used to take long walks by then.

Pushed by the lightness of her steps, a smile on her lips, she grabbed a jacket then rushed out of the house. The sentiment of loneliness that all of a sudden invaded her heart took her away, very far. She felt fine in the middle of the immense and empty place. The waves rocked her soul as the timid sun seemed to caress her face in a last motion of care and all her problems vanished in a whirl of pure logic.

Not this time though. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even seeing the beach or the ocean. The fury of her feelings, boiling in anger in her stomach, was blinding her mind and all she could picture out was the way her heart had broken into pieces.

She hadn't been stupid, just incredibly hopeful towards a pitiful dead-end story.

"Karen!"

The edge of the waters reached her ankles and embraced them icily. She froze, took a deep breath and turned around to face him. He looked sorry, in pain. The idea made its way to her brain and began to stir up a wave of remorse but as soon as his hand touched her forearm, everything fell apart.

"Karen, listen to me."

The panic in his voice resulted enough to make her swallow a gasp and she started shaking uncontrollably.

"Karen, I guess we need to…"

The strength of her hand making contact with his cheek as she slapped him in the face made her stumble backwards. She shook her head, disarmed before the abruptness of her gesture. In a whisper of despair she turned around and went away.

"Go to hell, Will."

If they had been the protagonists of some romantic movie, the end of the scene would have been defined by the rules of conventionalism and the typical scheme of classics:

He would have grabbed her wrist and made her turn around to look at him properly. She might have pretended to resist for a few seconds or so but the irresistible idea to stay trapped in his arms for the rest of her life would have won over the rest. In a fluid motion her linen dress would have caressed her ankles, some strands of hair floating in front of her face and they would have stayed quiet.

Nobody ever spoke by then.

Very slowly her hands would have slid up his shoulders and she would have closed her eyes, leaned over just the required inches to let him understand that she was his.

They would have kissed and it would have been perfect.

But because reality never borrowed anything to the fictive sweetness of those movies, the rain began to pour with strength as she kept on walking. Her wrist remained free of any grip and if Will ever called her name then the sound of his voice got stifled by the rage of the sudden storm. The linen of her dress tightened its clutch over her ankles; the air became oppressive. She choked as a breath burnt her lungs.

All of a sudden she fell down. The damp sand scratched her nails, reddened her knees and the palm of her hands while raindrops began to run on her nape before getting lost along her spine in a hurtful motion. She blinked, breathed loud before the realization of her acts, the meanings they implied. Was it too late to come backwards? A sigh of frustration escaped from her blue lips and she swallowed hard then turned around; burst into tears.

He had left.

End of her wish.


	2. Make a wish

**When the time bell blows my heart**

**And I have scored a better day**

**Well nobody made this war of mine**

Four years later.

Olivia and Mason's giggles ceased on the other side of the door. She quickly put back her glass of wine on the table and sat up on her chair, anticipating the children's imminent entrance. Stanley grabbed her hand and pressed it tenderly. She smiled at him but didn't say a word. They didn't speak that much at the end, probably because they didn't have so many things to share. Their marriage wasn't boring or unbalanced but simply blank.

She looked down at her lap for a couple of seconds and raised an eyebrow, resigned; yes, simply blank.

The scene got repeated every year. Mason left the first, very soon followed by Olivia while Karen was left with her husband in the most awkward silence. Secretly counting the seconds that separated her from the final relief she would feel as soon as the door flew open, she dared a shy gaze towards him from time to time, a pale smile. The truth was that it was better like that because if she ever opened her mouth then only apologies would come out.

And it didn't sound right.

As a matter of fact, it had become a sort of ritual. The artificiality of the beginning had slowly faded away and it had turned into a sweet, cute routine. She liked seeing their eyes sparkling with delight, the proud smiles on their faces as they carried her birthday cake; smiling all along. They weren't her children and would never be but if she had had to be honest, it was one of the moments when she actually felt like that she was belonging to a real family.

Chocolate cake and a lame but yet adorable home-made icing; she thanked everyone and was about to blow the two candles when Olivia's request stopped her suddenly.

"Make a wish!"

Her smile froze as a wave of memories rushed back to her mind. She swallowed hard, breathed loudly. The last time someone had suggested her to do so she was six years old; it had come from her dad. She cleared her voice, moved nervously on her seat before shaking her head at her step-daughter.

"I don't do that, honey."

The nine-year old girl looked at her in disbelief then scoffed, obviously taken aback by the answer. Stanley giggled in an attempt to ease the tension stirred up by her incomprehensible, harsh behavior then stared at her with insistence, asking in silence for some moderation in her words.

"I just don't believe in them, sweetie. That's all."

"You don't like having dreams?"

The sudden image of Will tightened her heart. She shrugged and passed her tongue over her lips. It always invaded her without any warning; creeping to her heart and stealing her energy. She felt exhausted then, weak.

"No, I prefer to have control over everything."

She stayed quiet and buried her whisper in a mouthful of chocolate, got more Champagne.

She had never forgotten him. Four years had passed by since their last scene on the beach but the truth was that she had been thinking about him every day, every night. When she went for a walk through the streets of The Lower East Side, her eyes instinctively focused on the men she kept on crossing, studying their features with attention but none of them had yet turned to be Will.

Perhaps he had moved out. So many things could happen in a life, a whole series of decisions taken under the impulsion of a desperate whim. She hadn't tried to call him but rushed back to Manhattan and accepted to marry Stanley in the vain hope to turn the page over whatever they had shared. Of course it hadn't worked out but at least the appearances were safe.

The guilt over her marriage was permanent but curiously enough she had never felt the urge to confess the slightest thing. Life had just gone on and everyone was supposed to deal with some past injuries so her situation sounded pretty fair, logical somehow.

Stanley passed an arm around her waist and kissed her temple.

"Happy birthday, Karen…"

Her hazel eyes widened as she looked, perplexed, at the present on the table. She laughed and shook her head, touched by the sweet gesture since she wasn't expecting nothing but their new summer house in The Hamptons.

"What is it?"

Stanley shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. Her impatience won over the rest and she grabbed the present, unwrapped it.

"I thought you would need a new one since you start working tomorrow morning."

Her fingers caressed the Burberry agenda.

"Thank you very much, honey."

She leaned over, kissed his lips softly and all of a sudden Karen realized that for the very first time in a long while, all the elements that constituted her life seemed to be connected in a harmonious, soft way. Maybe everything wasn't perfect but she could at last make a step forward and start leaving behind a dark series of ghosts that had been haunting her until now. A weight flew away from her heart. She smiled before what looked like a balanced life.

"By the way, what's the name of the company again?"

The Champagne slid on her throat in a cool and vigorous motion.

"Grace Adler Design; it's Grace Adler design."

Settling further on her chair, she grabbed her husband's hand and caressed it softly; nodded to herself. It wasn't a matter of wish but conviction and determination, just the way you controlled everything.


	3. Wish over Will

**And the moments that I enjoy**

**A place of love and mystery**

**I'll be there anytime**

She had thought that getting a job would put an end to her boring daydreams; that she would be too busy to eventually fall into the lethargy of a monotone routine and so she would logically stop thinking about the past over and over. It was a disturbing, hurtful activity that had led her to wonder if she didn't like it a bit too much; a sort of perversity to find in her self-cruelty the required pain to handle the day.

But the truth was that as soon as she sat down at her desk, Karen realized that her responsibilities would be extremely limited if not inexistent. Sweeping the furtive idea of a possible promotion that would set off a whole career, she decided then to settle more comfortably on her chair and let the hours pass by; doing the minimum that Grace wanted. Maybe life would still be easier far from the penthouse.

Around noon, the peaceful silence that had been reigning over the office finally got broken by Grace as she abandoned her sketches and walked timidly over Karen. Ridiculously enough, her heart was pounding loud at the sight of her new boss. She wasn't used to have a superior; she didn't know what to do, how to behave before the novelty. And for the moment it had only stirred up a veil of shyness over her gestures. She felt stupid.

"You can take your lunch break now if you want. You can go out or order and share your meal with me… A friend of mine might stop by but I don't mind at all if you're here. I mean… It's up to you, Karen."

She blinked and stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before realizing how weird her behavior must seem to be.

"Well… Yes, I could order and stay here. It'd be nice to talk a little."

She couldn't help but make a face at the ridiculousness of her reply. What happened to her eloquence, the way she used to dominate everything with a bluffing easiness? She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the disappearance of her self-confidence; smiled at Grace.

"You can order anything, this is on me."

She grabbed her bad and headed to the bathroom, overhearing Grace welcoming someone as she locked the door of the toilets behind her.

A few minutes later Karen came back to the main room only to face an apologetic Grace.

"Oh I'm sorry you just missed my best friend. He couldn't stay; an appointment, I guess. But he said that he would love to meet you one day. Besides, he loves your name."

The last comment made her laugh and she stared at her boss in disbelief, asking silently for an explanation. Grace shrugged and went to fill up two mugs of coffee.

"I don't know why. He just told me once that if he had a daughter then her name would be Karen."

"Well he might change his mind after we meet. What's his?"

"It's Will."

The sound of his name escaping from a third person's lips sent shivers to her spine as her blood turned icy in her veins, hurting her heart. She sat down slowly; raised an eyebrow. How many Will did this city own, anyway? It was a pretty classic name; she should try to control her emotions with more effectiveness the next time or people would really start thinking that she was weird.

"I knew a Will, once…"

"Oh you did? What happened?"

Trying to overcome the incomprehensible reason why she had actually confessed such a thing to an almost perfect stranger, she raised her left hand and moved her fingers; smiled brightly because it was easier than to burst into tears.

"I married another one called Stanley."

Three weeks flew away and before she knew it, Karen was enjoying the life at the office. Not that it changed a lot from the work she was in charge of at her mansion but Grace's presence was bringing something new to her life, something lighter and warm. They got along pretty well in spite of their different social backgrounds unless it was this exact distinction that actually made it work out. She lost her inhibitions when she was with her; all the things she wasn't supposed to say out loud while attending a diner or a charity gala could hit the air without the fear of any repercussion.

Their relation owned this freedom that only strangers could share. And it was good, relieving.

xxxxxxx

"Have you met some of her friends?"

"Not yet, curiously enough… A flamboyant guy called Jack left a funny message one day but that's all. I keep on missing the other one, Mister X."

Stanley took a sip of wine and frowned, perplexed. She smiled.

"His name is Will but I have never seen him. As a matter of fact, we've done nothing but missing each other since the very beginning. I go to the bathroom; he arrives. I take the elevator; he takes the stairs. I could go on like that for an hour or so. We might not be made to meet, after all…"

"How funny, sweetie. Perhaps he's in this room and you don't even know it. Perhaps you cross him every day in the street but have no clue about his identity."

Her hazel eyes studied the room quickly but none of the men looked like a Will; her Will. She concentrated back on her plate and rolled her eyes dreamingly.

"I'm sure one day I will end up meeting him."

"If you haven't yet…"

The innocence of Stanley's words reached a whole different meaning in her head and she swallowed hard, took a small bit of her fish then started wondering what the chances were that Grace's best friend could actually be this Will.

The world was small but still, not so stupid.


	4. Wishing a different twist

**Oh mysteries of love**

**When war is no more**

**I'll be there anytime**

When he had awoken that morning, Will had looked by the window and observed the trees of Riverside Drive. The gray of the sky was contrasting with the brown of the narrow branches that still deprived of their leaves reminded of old, gnarled fingers that the snow would have petrified and turned into a singular sculpture. Then he had got up, slowly, and started what he had assimilated to a regular weekday. The rest of the events would teach him that it was never good to come to such conclusions so easily.

Their lunchtime had followed the classic scheme of a smooth routine, like the previous hours spent at work trying to deal with clients and deadlines over intricate contracts. His life seemed to have reached that point when everything was predictable and there was no surprise anymore, no little detail that would come up all of a sudden and bring a fresh, new light over his days. He wasn't feeling down but just a bit resigned, uncertain if he had to like it or not.

Lost in the middle of his secret wonders, his whole life suddenly tipped over as Grace opened the door of her office. If he had checked his watch at this exact moment, he would have written down the time; maybe got it engraved on his wrist.

It took him away with the strength of unexpected things, very old memories we swear we can forget when all they do is rush back to us as soon as we face them again, no matter the years that have passed by, the decades. An odd wave of warm ice spread over his heart and he froze on the doorframe, his eyes fixed on her bare back.

It never crossed his mind that it might belong to someone else. He had caressed it way too many times, spent hours observing its slightest details; kissed it over and over. He didn't even make the relation in his head between what Grace had told him and what he was realizing because he was sure that it could only be Karen's. The Karen he had loved then left, maybe not in this order. He had never been so sure at the end.

"Nice tattoo…"

Grace's voice drew a line under his wonders and made him jump as Karen, still bent over a cardboard box laughed lightly. Very slowly she stood up, pulled on her top and turned around.

"It's just an old…"

Her voice got trapped in a whirl of incomprehension and pain as she locked her eyes with his almost immediately, instinctively.

"Karen, are you alright? You're kind of pale."

She nodded in silence at Grace; looked down at the floor as a well-known invisible hand tightened her throat. She swallowed back her tears.

"By the way it's time to introduce you…"

"Will."

His name slid on her lips before hitting the air softly, like an old lullaby that would have always sounded reassuring. But deep inside herself the only resonance she got was the sound of her heart breaking into pieces.

Grace didn't see anything and laughed, not very surprised by her assistant's guess. After all she had been talking about him for so long that it seemed pretty logical Karen had come to her own conclusions by herself.

A few seconds flew away as both ex-lovers stared intently at each other, not daring the slightest move. But as Will's gaze became more and more insistent, hard, Karen smiled softly unsure of the next step she would give.

"And you must be Karen; nice to meet you."

She looked blankly at his hand before shaking it with awkwardness but as much as she understood his reaction, she had to confess that it hurt; a lot. So in a murmur of bitterness she turned around and sat down at her desk.

"Nice to meet you, Will…"

"Did I get any message, Karen?"

Grace headed straight to her desk and grabbed some keys.

"No, it's been pretty quiet."

"Perfect! Will, the scarf I told you about is in the cellar so wait for me here. I'll be right back."

Before he had time to open his mouth and reply, Grace had rushed out of the office, leaving him alone with Karen. A deep discomfort set off with suddenness and it's only when she finally looked up at him that he stopped studying her body. He had missed her a lot and was only realizing it now.

"You haven't changed that much."

Her shaking voice barely hid her anxiety as she intended a pale smile; blinked.

She had made the first step. He should have known that she would do so if they had had to see each other again. That was typical from Karen; as much as she didn't like speaking about her feelings, not really assumed them, she still found a way to overcome the gap. He had always envied her for her courage.

"I beg your pardon?"

He heard his own words come out but wasn't controlling them at all as if an invisible entity had taken possession of his voice and someone was now speaking for him. Perhaps his brain saw the strategy as the best way to avoid him to get hurt even more, to keep his distance with what he was implying now.

Obviously his question took Karen aback too. She frowned and shook her head before smiling again with a fragility he had never seen before but assumed it to be the heritage of their failed story.

"Well… It's me, Karen. You know, we… Hmm, it's me. Don't you recognize me?"

She hadn't changed a lot in four years, only cut her hair and put on a few pounds but she still looked like the same; more or less.

"I'm sorry but you must mistake me for someone else."

All of a sudden she wondered if he actually had really forgotten about her, about what they had lived. And against all expectations she felt a new wave of pain pierce her heart, even stronger than all the previous ones.

Grace came back. Their conversation ceased.


	5. A sorry wish

**When the time bell blows my heart**

**And I have scored a better day**

**Well nobody made this war of mine**

"You used to say that our lives were just one because the lines of our hands matched so well and it must have been a sign; a sort of pure logic. In the morning I always pretended to keep on sleeping just to feel your arms around me. You opened your eyes, held me tight and time got suspended all of a sudden. On rainy days I concentrated on the beats of your heart while when the sun was piercing through the window, warming up our bare skin, I let the waves in the background rock our souls in a peaceful motion, a silent one.

Perhaps reality wasn't so sweet and I tended to soften my memories even subconsciously. The truth is that I like the way they are, what I made of them. It's all I own at the end so please, let me believe that we were happy, incredibly naïve and hopeful because this is how love is supposed to be. You whispered those words too many times against my lips; it can't have been a lie. You can't have forgotten me after what we lived together; no, you can't.

And when I asked you to leave… I know it was your heart that I had broken into pieces as mine had already stopped beating the day I understood that my dreams with you would remain in the depths of failed fantasies.

You abandoned me, upon my request. You vanished from my life in a cloud of cries and icy silence. But what you never knew, Will, is that when I came back to Manhattan, I wasn't alone. A part of you had remained.

I was carrying on your child."

The door of the bathroom got opened and Stanley came in. She sat up in the tub, smiled in a vain attempt to hide the red on her cheeks as her husband kneeled down next to her. His eyes were sparkling; he looked amused, way too sweet not to make her feel bad.

"Whom were you talking to? I overheard you through the door."

"It was just a pointless soliloquy, honey."

His lips made contact with the top of her head in a furtive kiss. She swallowed hard and weighed the words she had been thinking about since Will had unexpectedly rushed back in her life so harshly.

"I'm going to quit."

Stanley's reaction didn't surprise her a lot. Why did things have to follow such a monotone logic? Small wonder why it was so hard to face the unexpected of life then.

"I thought you liked it. What happened? Did you make a mistake? It's okay, you know. I'm sure Grace will understand."

"No, I haven't. I just don't feel at the right place anymore."

"Give you a month. Don't do anything that you might regret then. Don't quit now, Karen."

xxxxxxx

For whatever reason, she followed Stanley's advice and this is how she met Jack. He rushed in her existence and turned it upside down with the singular cuteness of his extravaganzas, in a whirl of fantasies and multicolored behaviors. Nobody really knew it but he might have actually saved her life somehow or at least brightened it. Whatever it was, something happened and she owed him a lot for settling down another kind of routine, more bearable this time.

She saw Will every day, even went out for diner with him, Jack and Grace but she remained quiet over their mutual past. Obviously the failure of her last try had slowed down her desire to renew the conversation and she had put in parenthesis the slightest allusion to whatever they had lived. The awkwardness of the beginning very soon got substituted by an odd, instinctive defense and before their frustration and the anger set off by their past injuries, both ex-lovers started teasing each other; always surrendering in the hopes of an absurd but yet relieving argument.

It worked out way too well as a matter of fact and life went on.

The spring had spread over New York for a couple of weeks yet and Karen had finally accepted Will's silence over their story when she got an email from him.

He wanted to see her; and speak.

The last word stole her breath as a wave of panic rushed through her veins, invaded her brain with the effectiveness of a bitter realization that kept on hurting in spite of the years, the decades.

They settled down on a place, in the evening.

xxxxxxx

The restaurant was unexpectedly crowded for a weekday but she simply put the fact under the warm temperatures that seemed to last a bit longer that night over the city.

She hadn't come back home to change _ she wouldn't have been able to face her own husband before spending some time with her ex-lover _ and was still wearing her black suit; the sun hitting her back thus, warming up her bones but she was way too terrified to enjoy it properly. She checked her watch, looked all around at the other customers. Following the seconds passing by, her right foot was balancing nervously against her left ankle and she kept on crossing her legs over and over; trying to slow down her heartbeats.

"I wasn't sure you would come here."

His voice made her jump but she didn't say a word, just stared intently at the table as he sat down in front of her.

The truth was that she had spent the past four years fantasizing about the day they would meet and start speaking again but now that it was finally happening, all the scenarios twirling in her head seemed to have vanished under the weight of her fears. So she stayed there, quiet, observing his hands on the tablecloth.

He cleared his voice and she locked her eyes with his brown ones, swallowed hard.

"I don't really know…"

"I'm sorry."

Karen shrugged and shook her head at Will; passed her tongue over her lips. The brouhaha seemed to have ceased all of a sudden and she felt like she was trapped with him in an odd, bitter sphere of regrets; far from the rest of the world that had always kept on turning in spite of the end of their own love story.

She rolled her eyes and sighed not to burn into tears before repeating.

"I'm sorry."


	6. Granted wishes

**And the moments that I enjoy**

**A place of love and mystery**

**I'll be there anytime**

"Why do you apologize when I'm the one who pretended not to know you at Grace's office? That was quite harsh."

The waitress brought her Martini; Will ordered the same. A soft smile played on her lips before his choice, quite unexpected since he used to hate so much the cocktail when they were together.

"But I'm the one who asked you to leave."

"I spent the night with Michael. I guess your reaction was pretty fair… I've been unfaithful, for the very first time in my life. And for whatever reason it had to be with you. I'm sorry; I know I hurt you."

"I don't always understand you, Will. Why you ignored me at the office, why you slept with your ex when you kept on saying that you loved me; this is all so confused in my head. The past has to stay behind; I accept this idea but still… Just tell me why."

The burning sensation in her throat was turning into an unbearable pain and while the seconds were passing by, Karen had more and more difficulties to swallow back the sorrow of what looked like a completely missed life.

"I freaked out. I know it's probably a pitiful excuse but it's the only one that is true. I freaked out before the serious turn that our relationship was taking; before the fact that the ghosts from my past were all of a sudden rushing back to me when we met at Grace's office. I have always envied your courage because no matters how hard life can be, you never really drop out and dare to assume your feelings. I don't so I just screw up everything. It seems easier like that."

"I'm not so brave, you know."

"Oh yes, you are. But your self-esteem is so low that it blinds you all along. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Karen. And you have no idea how I regret what I did to you, to us. You know the funniest part?"

She shook her head as his words were blankly hitting her mind, reducing in silence a refrained sorrow. Will went on.

"Sometimes I wonder what would have become of us if we hadn't broken up. I remember every second we spent together from the very first time I saw you through the crowd at this auction to the moment you went away from me on the beach in Montauk and it started raining. I remember the dreams we shared, the reasons why we laughed and the way you loved cuddling in bed when you pretended you were asleep. I miss all these things but we made a choice and I respect it. I just hope you managed to see some of your wishes granted."

"Don't say that, not now. God you're not allowed to say that now…"

Her first tears got swallowed back by a desperate urge as she closed her eyes quickly and took a deep breath. She was feeling dizzy, moved by the unexpected honesty of his confession. She had always known that it would turn that way. How could she possibly draw a line and go on with her life as if nothing had happened? Will's words were putting in doubt all the decisions she had made since they had broken up.

"Don't cry, Karen…"

"I don't. Don't you remember? I never cry."

The smile she gave him hurt even more than all the tears that could have welled up in her eyes. A few seconds flew away in a painful silence and she finally shrugged, sipped her drink.

"So tell me what happened in your life when you came back to Manhattan."

The word 'honey' almost slid on her lips instinctively but she stopped it at the last moment. It wouldn't have sounded fair with Will; not so innocent.

"Nothing really happened. I didn't come back with Michael either and from then on I never really managed to get involved in the merest relationship. I went from one-night stands to lonely evenings… Grace doesn't know about you and me. I never told her that I had met someone in June during an auction in The Hamptons and that I had lived the most intense months of my whole life but that it had ceased almost instantly as soon as I saw Michael back and decided to sleep with him. I never told it to anyone."

"And it hurts right? To keep everything inside, for you; I know how it's hard."

Will's Martini arrived but he barely touched it. His brown eyes slid from Karen's face to her left hand. He smiled, a bit forcefully though.

"So you're married…"

"Yes, to Stanley."

"Oh Karen…"

She stopped him with a vague gesture of her head and cleared her voice nervously.

"It's okay. He's nice, you know. He has always been so nice…"

"But you kept on saying that he wasn't the man of your life."

She raised a dubitative eyebrow before the unconscious irony of his remark but didn't control her anger that well and her reply sounded dry, harsh.

"It's all about adaptation."

"Do you have children?"

Karen hesitated .Not that she wanted to lie but because she knew how Will would react; and why.

"Not of my own, no… It's, hmm… I guess I missed my chance on this part."

Will opened his mouth to reply but finally stayed quiet, unable to face her last words and the strength of their meanings.

Without children and according to the dreams she used to have it wasn't a chance that Karen had missed out but her whole life.


	7. Wishing nothing, absolutely nothing

**Mysteries of love**

**Where war is no more**

**I'll be there anytime**

They never talked about it anymore. Their past remained behind as they stepped out of the restaurant and came back to their respective homes; Will with Grace, Karen with Stan. No matter a veil was still covering their injured hearts, they pretended to turn the page definitely and let their lives take control of the rest. They had made decisions throughout the years they had spent far from each other and they couldn't ignore them just for the vague satisfaction to give a new try to a failed relation. It was crazy, a pure nonsense.

Their bodies dragged them blankly in the routine of their lives as if the laps of time shared that night under the candlelight had never really existed, never occurred. But it had nonetheless let an odd feeling over their minds and while passing the door of their respective flats, they all of a sudden felt like strangers in their own skin.

She made love with her husband, more by remorse and need to be reassured than anything else but when Stanley felt finally asleep, she urged to the greenhouse to look up at the stars; then burst into tears.

She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on what she had been given in the past four years but the only thing that came back to her mind was the taste of Will's lips on hers the first time they had kissed in the shadows of some Victorian house.

He loved boys, she was engaged to Stan; what had she expected exactly that couldn't lead to a dead-end story? Something uncontrollable perhaps and now she was regretting it harshly.

xxxxxxx

Deep red; the color spread over her transparent and manicured nails, bringing life and vitality to her pale complexion. It matched her top, her lipstick and even her purse. Someone had told her once that she looked sexy in a red outfit. The fade compliment to put her in bed had nonetheless made its way to her head and from then on she had made of the color one of her favorite ones; let's say in memory of the insipid guy who had tried to flirt with her at some bar in Brooklyn.

Very carefully she put aside the varnish bottle and began to blow on her fingertips but the light murmur of her breath got on Grace's nerves almost immediately.

"Damn Karen, some people would like to work here! Give me the fax we received this morning, please."

Karen stood up reluctantly and grabbed the sheet of paper out of the machine. She wasn't in the mood for work, not even pretending to. She was just getting bored for not being able to decide what she really wanted to do. It happened a lot as a matter of fact. A thousand possibilities seemed to spread in front of her but none of them sounded appealing enough and then she felt empty, lifeless.

She gave the paper to Grace and slowly headed back to her desk; yawned loudly.

"Is it me or it's kind of hot, here?"

Not waiting for an eventual reply, she grabbed her top and began to take it off but froze as a hand suddenly touched her bare back. She turned around and stared at Will. The mere contact of his fingers on her skin sent shivers to her spine as he pulled on her shirt to prevent her from taking it off with her sweater.

"Am I just on time for Karen's striptease? Hmm, not sure this is the kind of scene I'd like to witness here…"

Feeling her legs succumb, she sat down at her desk in a fluid, unsteady movement but didn't say the slightest word; just swallowed hard. He had taken her by surprise, stolen her voice.

"What are you doing here, Will? I thought we were supposed to meet for lunchtime…"

Grace didn't pay attention to their little teasing games anymore. It seemed that it had become a logical part of their day-to-day life now and so she looked straight at Will.

"I had to meet with a client in the area so I decided to stop by after. By the way did you get a dress for this weekend? I said to my mother that we would arrive around noon."

"What dress, what weekend… I have a date on Saturday. I don't see what you mean."

"Damn Grace, are you kidding? You've known it for at least five months. Don't tell me you forgot my ridiculous high school reunion."

"Then if it's ridiculous, why do you want to go there?"

His brown eyes furtively looked at Karen. She was smiling innocently, waiting for an answer to her rather fair question.

"Well because the ridiculousness of the situation makes it all, of course."

She didn't have enough time to find an effective reply as Grace sighed heavily, loudly.

"Well I'm sorry but this is my first date since forever so there's no way I screw it up."

"But I need someone!"

"Ask Jack. He loves dancing…"

Grace shook her head and smiled softly, apologizing before the incongruous suggestion she had just come up.

"Then how about Karen… As long as there's an open-bar, I'm sure she's quite reliable on this one."

"Have you lost your mind? Besides Karen is barely a friend to me!"

He scoffed and tried to smile but immediately realized that he had gone too far especially since Karen was just sat down behind him; and because it was all a lie. He just hadn't found anything to reply without sounding suspicious and putting then in danger some deep secrets of his heart.

"I mean…"

Very slowly Will turned around and looked at Karen as a pale smile of victory was playing on her lips. She might have fooled a lot of people with the indifference of her gaze but for knowing her so well, he knew he had hurt her. That wasn't fair.


	8. Callgirl's wish

**Lord knows how I adore life**

**When the wind turns on the shores lies another day**

**I cannot ask for more**

She leaned against the window and looked at the backyard below. Everything seemed to follow the rules of an implicit perfection from the green of the grass to the disposition of the shingles near the flowers in full blossom. Most of people would have probably admired Marilyn's meticulous character but for her part Karen only thought it was sad; as if the boredom of a housewife's life found a resonance in insipid details that were supposed to give importance to her acts.

Instinctively her eyes focused on Will as he stepped out on the terrace and joined his father by the barbecue.

As soon as they had left Manhattan Will had showed signs of nervousness and resigned, she had attributed them to her presence next to him in such a close, intimate way. But now that they had arrived and she was observing him, it was clear that his discomfort resulted from the lame relation he had with his parents. They had probably argued once, disagreed with his choices. And from then on they had all grown apart, pretending that everything was going alright just to avoid the slightest explanation. Wasn't it a classic thing in the intricate nets of a family?

All of a sudden Will looked up. She didn't have time to turn around; she smiled shyly at him. That weekend sounded wrong, not only because he had only invited her after his harsh comment about their supposed friendship but because of all the rest that only the two of them actually knew about. She shouldn't have accepted his request. Her union with Stanley didn't allow her to play this kind of role anymore. It wasn't fair before the vows she had made at the altar and she felt guilty now, not at the right place at all.

With a furtive gesture of the hand Will motioned her to come down. How would things have turned if they hadn't put an end to their relationship? Would she have ever been able to grow closer to Marilyn, conversed during entire hours with George? She seriously doubted that they would have accepted her in their family; not that she was so different but because she wasn't made for this kind of experiences. Stanley's mother hated her but barely came to New York to visit so she had found a vague balance in it. It would have never been the same with Will.

The rest of the afternoon went quite smoothly in spite of Marilyn and George being used to see Grace accompanying their son. She didn't ask him anything but she wondered if he had ever brought some so-called girlfriend there when he was a teenager; what his parents had thought about her. Will was extremely secretive about his love life, barely alluded to his feelings so she couldn't really picture him out in the leading role of the constant showing of men and women at the house. It didn't sound like him but yet what did she know exactly about his past apart from the three months they had shared in the intensity of a loud silence?

She had opted for a deep red satin dress, long sleeves. The rubies on her ears would match the piece of clothing and emphasized the porcelain complexion of her skin. She would do her hair in a studied bun and maybe let some strands caress the shapes of her face. It had taken her ten minutes to figure it out but when she found herself in front of the mirror that evening, dressed up, a dilemma showed up without any warning.

What was she supposed to do with her wedding ring? What was supposed to be her degree of intimacy with Will before his ancient classmates? The minutes flew away in a perfect silence as her brain was trying to scan the blurry reasons of her presence there.

In a last sigh the band slid off of her finger with an ironic easiness and she left her bedroom immediately to avoid any second-guessing.

xxxxxxx

They passed a post office and turned on their left. She raised an eyebrow, bored before the quietness of the town at this hour of the evening. She had almost forgotten about the life in suburbs, how everything ceased to be as soon as the sun disappeared in the blueness of a dark sky.

"Do they know you're gay?"

Leaning her face against the window of the car, Karen restrained a yawn and stared blankly at the perfectly clean sidewalks.

"Not that I know of… Besides I used to have a girlfriend in high school; not that we did a lot but still."

They stopped at a red light as the rain began to pour softly; the drops sliding down the windows in anarchist paths like some tears on a face. She followed their movements with her fingertips then frowned.

"So what am I supposed to be tonight?"

She had been a call-girl once, when she was twenty-five. The client was a businessman who spent way too much time focalized on his company and so he didn't have time to look for a woman, get involved in a relationship. In need of money she had accepted the deal but the bitterness of the cold and artificial story had left a strong taste in her mouth. She was feeling it again tonight, with Will. The only difference was that she was doing it for free.

"I don't know, what do you want to be?"

She shrugged, cleared her voice as the light turned green and they drove off.

"I don't really mind… It's up to you, honey."

She swallowed back her regrets as soon as the word hit the air and settled down an incredibly awkward instinct. It sounded too different with Will.


	9. Regretful wish

**When the time bell blows my heart**

**And I have scored a better day**

**Well nobody made this war of mine**

She had received an invitation for her high school reunion too, a couple of years earlier. Her hazel eyes had studied the golden letters of the message with a barely feigned indifference before her manicured fingers finally tearing the paper, throwing it away. It hadn't crossed her mind the slightest second that she could actually attend it. For having changed so many times of school in her adolescence, she didn't even remember the building of the last one she had gone to and graduated. Her classmates' faces had always been blurry and she hadn't had enough time to keep in mind their names. Nobody really considered her as weird but they didn't approach her either and so she used to stay apart, with no friends. She had had to wait for college and a sudden popularity, a very singular reputation but at least she had had the sentiment to belong to a group of people by then.

She smiled for the hundredth time to some acquaintance of Will, looked down. Now she was regretting to have drawn a line so easily under her own reunion. The homecoming queen had married the captain of the football team with a sad, kind of pitiful logic. The nerd had turned into an imminent neurosurgeon working for one of the most important hospitals of the country as the others had simply gone on without really changing. What would her classmates have thought of her if she had attended her high school reunion with Stanley? Would she have been categorized in a different category and if so which one? Everyone seemed to have so many things to tell that she would have probably looked stupid before her own absence of career, not even a child to show a picture of. Her life wasn't a complete failure but it still had nothing to do with the classic scheme of the others and sometimes she would have loved getting lost in the middle of the crowd.

The evening was slowly coming to its end and her role next to Will hadn't been really defined yet. As if his hand brushing her body would have turned him into a statue of ice, he simply avoided the mere contact with her skin; just pointed at some person, speaking a lot in order to hide a deep discomfort. Before his poor attempt she kept on nodding and laughing politely at his funny remarks. After all nobody had come up to her and asked what kind of relation she shared with him; not that Will had ever been popular but people remembered him perfectly.

Making a face at the lame dose of rum in her punch, she put down her glass and took a deep breath; grabbed Will's hand, murmured.

"Come on, you owe me a dance since I didn't humiliate you tonight."

Her hands slid up his shoulders as she locked her eyes with his brown ones then smiled softly to reassure him. His fingers found back the easiness of a forgotten time on her waist. She swallowed hard but remained quiet. His skin was a burning touch on her bare back and she refrained a sigh before the ridiculousness of her thought. It was just him, almost five years later. Now she had married Stanley and he had gone on with his life. Everything was over; she had taken the decision.

Without any warning Will bent over and smiled against her ear, his breath hot.

"Thank you for everything…"

She never replied, just closed her eyes and leaned her face on his shoulder as his hips gave rhythm to hers through the slow melody playing in the background.

xxxxxxx

Her dress slid along her body, caressed her ankles and landed on the hardwood floor in a fluid movement. She grabbed a lacy negligee, put it on. They had come back to his parents' place in the most awkward silence, tired of having played a role for so long in front of people they would probably never cross again. The music was still resounding in her head, making her move slowly; with lightness. She was happy but for whatever reason didn't manage to fully appreciate it. Something was wrong, too wrong.

She put down her watch on a table and froze as she realized that she had kept Will's cell phone. She had forgotten her own one in New York and had borrowed his to call Stanley earlier in the evening. Without thinking about it twice, she grabbed it and crossed the hallway then knocked softly on his door; only bit her lower lip in a wave of doubts as he opened, looked down at her with a genuine surprise.

"This is yours."

Will nodded a quiet thank and turned around to put his phone on the bedside table. Before the implicit invitation Karen made a timid step forward but stopped, unsure of coming in. It was late and all she was supposed to do now was going to sleep; on her own. A boiling sensation in her stomach pushed her to abdicate. She pushed the door behind her and crossed her arms against her chest. She hadn't bothered to put a shawl around her shoulders. After all he had seen her naked a hundredth time before so she couldn't really be shy now. As much as their story was over, the shared intimacy had engraved the definitive loss of some inhibitions and so the black lace of her nightgown was molding the curves of her body in a sensual embrace.

"Did you have fun tonight? I hope it wasn't too boring for you. I know it's weird to go to a party when you only know one person. Do you mind if I…"

Will motioned his pants and she shook her head, allowing him to undress but she nonetheless looked away as he did.

"It was a nice evening. I guess so… I, hmm… I lied to Stanley. He doesn't know that I'm with you. I've not been able to tell him the truth."

She hadn't planned to confess her lie to Will but the words had been faster than her desires and before her realizing it, they had slid on her lips with a soft apprehension. He took off his shirt and locked his eyes with hers, vaguely freezing.

"I'm sorry, Karen. I didn't mean to lead you to such a thing."

Instinctively she looked down but as her gaze caught up his boxers _ last piece of clothing he had kept on _ she blushed and concentrated back on his brown eyes; shrugged.

"It's not you but me. I don't even know why I did that. It doesn't make sense and obviously I shouldn't have told you about it. Excuse me; and thank you for the nice evening."

Her shaking hand grabbed the doorknob as a wave of slight panic spread over her body. She opened the door but for whatever reason closed it back immediately, very calmly. She turned around and walked to him, a bit matter-of-factly.

Her fingers slid on his nape and she kissed him.


	10. Incomprehensible wish

**And the moments that I enjoy**

**A place of love and mystery**

**I'll be there anytime**

He hadn't pushed her away. She had rushed to his lips in a desperate, almost a vain kiss and he had let her do; then responded before ending the night in her arms with the cruel bitterness of a harshly regretted past. His hands had made her body his as his lungs had fed themselves of her sighs, the moans she had tried to stifle all along. It might have been a mistake but if so it simply resulted to be the most beautiful one of his life. They had fallen asleep in the first hours of the morning, rocked by the strangeness of the events. Perhaps it was just meant to occur.

He opened his eyes and looked at her sleeping next to him. Her features were deep but soft, delicate. She hadn't changed that much in those four years, barely got older and all of a sudden Will had the sentiment to be back at the exact beginning of their story; the first morning they had shared in the still awkward intimacy that needed time and a sweet routine to settle down over their days.

Very slowly he made his way out of bed and headed to his bathroom, grabbing back his boxers. The house was quiet, as usual. Even when he lived there with his brothers it seemed that life hesitated to come in. A cold silence was reigning over the rooms and you couldn't help but feel relieved as soon as you stepped out in the street. He had always hated it.

The soft sound of the shower running in the background made Karen moan, roll on her side. Still plunged in the smoothness of her dreams she kept her eyes closed and tried to get back to sleep; not at all analyzing the situation, what she was doing there while being married.

This is how she missed the next seconds and all the things they implied.

She hadn't closed the door properly the night before, pushed by a boiling urge running through her veins. The door was open ajar as the light of the day was piercing through the large windows of the bedroom.

Passing in the hallway at this exact moment, Marilyn simply assumed that her son had got up and that's why she came in. She respected way too much her children's intimacy not to rush in their bedrooms without any warning but nothing had let her imagine that she would face Karen sleeping in bed, naked. Laid on her stomach the blanket had slid down to reveal her bare back while her negligee was still abandoned on the floor a few inches away.

Marilyn blinked, shook her head and rushed out of the room as she finally heard the shower stop. It took her a couple of seconds but seemed to last an eternity and when she reached the kitchen, she stared at George in disbelief.

xxxxxxx

She woke up as his fingers brushed her neck and he leaned down to kiss her nose. Smiling, she opened her eyes then tended her arms to him. The bathtowel wrapped up around his waist slid as he went back to bed in order to respond to her silent request; she pushed the blanket up to cover their bodies.

"Good morning…"

Curiously enough Will had imagined that while waking up Karen would have thrown a scene and rushed back to her bedroom then barely spoken to him until they came back to New York. But against all expectations she only asked for his arms and her morning embrace as she used to during the summer they had shared. She settled against him, locked her eyes with his brown ones and smiled peacefully. Nothing sounded right but they were both enjoying it.

"Good morning, Will."

She kept the 'honey' for her this time, ridiculously enough since they had obviously crossed the lines of an impossible friendship. Perhaps it was just that at the end, pretending not to get attached and so the day would fly away with the easiness of logic. She leaned over and kissed him.

xxxxxxx

"Would you like some coffee or a tea?"

"A tea would be great, thank you."

Karen had finally made her way out of the bedroom but facing all of a sudden Will's parents in the peculiarity of a 'next morning' had quickly become extremely troubling. She felt like the young girlfriend visiting for the first time her partner's family with all the intimidation that the situation stirred up; no matter she was thirty-nine and not sixteen.

Marilyn smiled and poured some tea in a mug. Will had left a couple of minutes earlier to help his father in the backyard and the silence was heavy, awkward in the kitchen between both women who barely had anything in common; barely knew each other.

"Where do you live exactly, which part of the city?"

Karen looked up at Marilyn and took a deep breath, trying to control her absurd nervousness. She really had nothing to do with a family spirit.

"I have a penthouse in The Upper East Side; Madison Avenue. This is a great area…"

But Marilyn barely paid attention to the reply and shook her head immediately, frowned.

"Is my son happy? He doesn't speak to me that much anymore… Is he happy?"

The question took Karen aback and she tried to ignore the fact that Marilyn had now locked her eyes with hers and was staring at her intently.

"I guess so or at least he tries to. He has a great job, lives in a very cozy apartment and is very close to his friends."

"How did you meet him?"

"I work for Grace. We met at her office."

The lie made her look down immediately. She hid the blush on her cheeks behind her mug of tea, swallowed hard. But it wasn't her fault at the end. How could she possibly explain to Marilyn that she had thought once she would marry Will? How could she say to this woman that she had been pregnant when she hadn't been able to admit it to Will?


	11. Silent wish

**Oh mysteries of love**

**Where war is no more**

**I'll be there anytime**

It didn't really hit her with a violent suddenness. As a matter of fact, it simply crept underneath her skin then walked up to her brain. By the time she reached the office on Monday morning, the idea had spread over her mind and was now haunting her self-esteem that looked finally pretty low. She sat down at her desk in a confusing silence; look down, her sunglasses on.

"What are you doing here, Karen? It's still very early, isn't it?"

She stared at Grace for a couple of seconds, unaware of the fact that her mouth was slightly open, then shook her head and murmured incomprehensible excuses; something like she had to go away from home to think. The vodka burnt her throat as she took a sip. The truth was that she had always hated alcohol in the morning but she hadn't found out any other way yet to make things disappear.

"So how was your weekend with Will? He's been pretty quiet yesterday when he came back home."

"Regular, it was a regular weekend."

"Since when do you spend regular weekends with Will?"

"Since the day I decided so, damn!"

She apologized immediately for her irrelevant, harsh reply and finally stood up to refill her mug of coffee.

They had had lunch with Marilyn and George; had gone for a walk together and before realizing it, it had been time to go back to New York. Something had got broken as soon as the car had driven off. The shameful spell of a sweet night of mistakes had flown away and they had remained silent, uncomfortable. She hadn't even let him time to help her with her suitcase when he had stopped in front of her building. The weekend had simply come to an end, like all the rest.

Karen took a long sip of coffee and swallowed hard. If only she could draw a line under Will so easily…

"You know, sometimes I wonder about all your daydreams, Karen."

"Why, you shouldn't… You really shouldn't, Gracie."

xxxxxxx

A whole week passed by without both talking to each other. It was a game of dead-end excuses to vanish, a labyrinth of lies just to avoid the mere face-to-face. She spent a lot of time with her husband and his children but of course her guilt didn't fade away so easily and the more she stayed with them, the more she had difficulties to deal with her consciousness.

She had never cheated on anyone until then. She might have flirted a couple of times but with the innocence of a pointless game when both protagonists knew that anyway it would be vain. When four years earlier she had fallen for Will, nothing was sure or settled down with Stanley. There had been premises but their constant arguments had always imposed a dark veil of doubts over her choices and then she had met Will. Against all expectations _ probably at the wrong moment _ something in her life had pushed her towards him and for the very first time if not the only one in her life, Karen had dared to open her heart.

Reality had simply made it crash and break into pieces.

"So truth or dare…"

She pushed aside her glass of Martini and shrugged at Jack. How would seven days be enough to forget about their night when four years hadn't swept away the least of her feelings? She had nonetheless accepted the invitation to share a meal with him. Besides Grace and Jack were there; it limited her chance to get a face-to-face.

"I don't mind, honey."

Jack pouted and feigned to be upset by her lack of motivation. She didn't say anything even though sometimes, she would have preferred him to abandon his childish and yet annoying by then behavior. There was a time for laughing and another one for sadness; she was right in the middle of a melancholic stage.

"Okay, I choose for you then and I say truth."

Grace winced at Jack, rather satisfied of her intervention.

"How far have you been into the motherhood project?"

The question surprised everyone since Karen wasn't known for her patience with children. Very slowly three pairs of eyes stared at her dubitatively, unsure of the reply she was about to give. Will pretended not to care if not being focused on something else and he poured some more wine in his glass.

They had talked about babies of course. Their three months seemed to have lasted a lot more than half a life unless time had just got reduced in a very short but yet intense laps.

"I've been pregnant once."

She could have lied without the slightest remorse but the truth was that after a whole week of silence, she felt like confessing a large part of her life as if it would thus manage to relieve her heart. The news hit the air in a cold motion before incomprehension invading the living-room of Will's apartment. Grace cleared her voice, unsure of her rights to ask the question that was though burning everyone's lips.

"But you don't… I mean, what happened?"

"I had a miscarriage."

She said it matter-of-factly but her appearing easiness before the idea only emphasized the harsh resentment she probably still felt at the end.

She could have stopped there and let the game go on but for whatever reason she chose this moment to lock her eyes with Will's and closed the parenthesis on a harsh, troubling beginning.

"It was four years ago; four years and a half. It wasn't Stan's."


	12. Vanishing wish

**When the time bell blows my heart**

**And I have scored a better day**

**Well nobody made this war of mine**

Karen saw her life as a grain of sand, something extremely light and unbalanced that could so easily be swept away by the wind. She was a small, insignificant detail in the immensity of the world and as high as her pride seemed to be sometimes, she perfectly knew that at the end, she wasn't so brave, so strong. Her fragility found refuge in the depths of her mind and she tried to forget about it because she hated it so much when she appeared as a weak person. It didn't have to match with her presence, her words. The eloquence of her gestures couldn't but find a resonance in the respect people had towards her, no matter it was based on a couple of fears. The strategy of her scheme wasn't so exceptional when you thought about it but she had got trapped in its intricate nets, had lost control over the machine and was now paying for an idea that went against nature.

She left Will's place that night with the sentiment that she had gone too far, had been too harsh. But the truth was that her frustration had reached the limits imposed by her nerves and before realizing it, she had taken an absurd revenge towards her ex-lover. It wasn't even low but hurtful, heartless. And she ran away from him as soon as Jack decided that it was time to go to sleep. She rushed in the elevator then hailed a cab as she stepped outside on the sidewalk.

She didn't even cry.

xxxxxxx

A bunch of people had always emphasized her so-called courage for whatever reason but deep inside herself Karen knew that she was only a coward. The proof was that she had consciously avoided the slightest gaze towards her cell phone because she would die at the scene if Will ever called her. And he would, obviously he would at one moment; it was fair enough. She had let go of a bomb right in front of his face without any warning, any acceptable excuse but the one to be angry for what she had done; to herself, to him, to Stanley. She had never been good at diplomacy. That must have been why she used to end up screwing people's lives.

"Miss Karen is not here. Come back later."

Rosario was already closing the door when Grace stopped her unexpectedly with a hand on the wooden frame. She leaned her head on a side and frowned. Karen hadn't come to the office four days in a row and she didn't answer the phone. Such a long absence was rare if not completely exceptional.

"Then perhaps I could wait here. Please…"

The maid bit her lower lip but finally abdicated before Grace's request; opened the door to let her in.

"I'm sure the greenhouse will be perfect, then."

Rosario winced at her knowingly before vanishing like a ghost in the immensity of the penthouse; such a quiet place that it always scared Grace to death. It seemed so cold there, so lifeless.

She took the main oak stairs and made her way to the upper floor; hesitated in front of the door. Did she have to knock? Karen was behind it; Rosario's comment had had nothing vaguely mysterious and she had told her the truth through half-words of a slight despair towards the woman she considered as her friend, which also meant that something was happening with Karen.

Very slowly she opened the door, trying to stifle the crackling of it. The room was large and bright for the French windows surrounding it beautifully. The green plants were there by thousands and thousands and for a couple of seconds Grace wondered if Karen was their care taker. After all she didn't know that much about her assistant and yet very close friend. Her life was a complete mystery of lies, anecdotes and antithesis. It belonged to the persona, a bit too much perhaps.

She was sat down on an old leather sofa, a glass of wine in hand. Grace came closer and smiled at her, uncomfortable.

"So this is how you're used to spending your vacations?"

"I'm not on vacations; I quit. We're moving to England."

Grace gasped then shook her head, taken aback.

"When did you know about it? You should have told me…"

"Who cares anyway? It's not with what I used to work that it's going to change something for you."

"But… But there's no cardboard box here. I mean, when do you leave?"

Karen shrugged and took a sip of her wine in a studied motion of elegance and bitterness; a very slow gesture through which a sensation of melancholy seemed to shout out its pain.

"Within three weeks now; as for the cardboard boxes, ask Rosie. I'm not in charge of it."

"Well we're going to miss you a lot… When were you planning to tell us about it, to tell Jack?"

"Oh come on, Poodle will survive! He's a big boy, now. We all know that I'm not so essential to your lives."

If it had been a confession then Grace felt guilty all of a sudden towards Karen's silent pain that seemed to show up through her words. She had never been so monotone in her tone, so sad. It couldn't be a lie...

"Will's birthday party is next Saturday. I want you to come."

"I'm not sure this is an excellent idea, Gracie. I don't…"

"He likes you; he really does. You even spent a weekend together and he only told me good things about it and how you had got on well with his parents. Don't think that he doesn't care about you. It wouldn't be fair or true."

Karen closed her eyes, frowned and leaned her forehead against the palm of her hand for a few seconds before staring at Grace dubitatively.

"I really don't think so, honey."

"Why, I don't understand."

"I've not been nice with him, not at all. I'm sure he drew a line under me because if I had been him then it's what I would have done, just by logic."

"So perhaps before you leaving, it would be good to make the peace with him... Don't you think so?"


	13. The failure of her wish

**And the moments that I enjoy**

**A place of love and mystery**

**I'll be there anytime**

"Why didn't you come back to me?"

She looked down at his hand on her wrist then bit her lower lip. The music was beating loud in the background as the party was in full swing. Will had always hated those. It was impersonal and terribly frustrating when at the end you realized that in spite of moving from a group to another, you hadn't been able to handle the slightest conversation with people you cared about. She knew it but hadn't said anything, just like him. And his fake smile had found a resonance on her lips.

It could have happened at any time that she wouldn't have been ready, never. Since the day she had let the words hit the air, it seemed that her remorse had been floating all around, weighing on her mind. She leaned against the brick wall of the terrace and waited anxiously for the two other guests to leave them alone. She just hoped that they hadn't overheard Will's whisper.

"Happy birthday…"

"Why didn't you come back to me?"

As if he hadn't paid attention to her poor attempt to make a step forward in the conversation, Will repeated his question but didn't dare to come closer to her. An invisible limit had been drawn by all the events that had given rhythm to their lives since the day they had met back. Karen shrugged, cleared her voice and frowned. Her glass of champagne was hot in her hand.

"What would it have changed anyway?"

"You wouldn't have had to go through it alone."

"I wasn't."

Her voice broke down and she instinctively laughed to hide it. She wasn't good at dealing with her tears.

"Stanley was there."

"Did you tell him about it?"

Karen simply shook her head, unable to add the slightest word. A wave of harsh memories was rushing back to her mind, oppressing her heart. She hadn't really tried to forget about it but the years had simply done their work and softened the idea until it had turned to be a vaguely bad dream, just that. She sighed.

"But he was still there, you know; next to me."

"What happened?"

"Extreme low blood pressure caused by a depression; that's what I've been diagnosed. How can it be so easy to put a couple of words over what I lived? It's not right, you know."

The first tears began to run down her cheeks and all of a sudden she gasped as he took her in his arms. Why had he chosen this moment to speak about such an intimate event? Why had he waited the only evening when they could barely share a mere second of tranquility and speak, explain things; maybe definitely turn the page, at last.

"I had to be there, Karen. You should have called me."

"I wanted to. But then I realized that I didn't have your number. It must have been a sign."

Astonished, Will locked his eyes with her hazel ones and swallowed hard. He felt weak all of a sudden and small before the world; completely unsecure. That was all he could conclude about his past with Karen. Everything had been depending on an absurd detail and the determination we put through it to get a so-called stability. Something occurred in his heart, at this exact second. His breath became louder and a deep pain went throughout his whole body. A ridiculous song was playing in the background, stifled by the door they had closed behind them and all of a sudden they had been cut from the rest of the crowd; one more time like the summer they had spent together once.

"But… You knew my last name and the city I lived in. I mean, you could have looked for me."

"But I had asked you to leave."

She passed a hand through her hair a bit pointlessly; she was shaking, wishing nothing but to go back in his arms and stay there forever. The difference was that her dreams had never joined reality and her wishes had never been granted.

"You know that it started raining that day, on the beach. Well I stopped walking and turned around but you had already disappeared. It's when I realized that I had definitely lost you ad then my heart broke into pieces. You're not expecting anything from us, Will. I know it, as much as you could try to deny it because it seems so harsh. We shared another night and obviously enough it had to be the last one because we just crashed. Excuse me, I have to go now."

She put her glass on a table in an awkward movement and stepped back in the living-room.

"But my heart... It's only beating for you."

But his remark came up to late and only got lost in the nothingness of the air.

She had left.

xxxxxxxx

She never came back to say goodbye, in a proper way. Somehow nobody really got surprised as they all knew how Karen hated the rules of conventionalism, especially these one because she would have probably burst into cries then. Maybe it was just life that had difficulties to adapt itself to her singular persona... The fact is that the world turned darker, monotone and empty without her. A couple of weeks passed by, a whole month.

But she never vanished from their mind.


	14. Wishing the truth, just that

**Mysteries of love**

**Where war is no more**

**I'll be there anytime**

He had to close his eyes and stop thinking. His brain needed to calm down, his heartbeats to reduce their pace and maybe then he would understand. But every time he gave it a try the silence of the room became oppressive and he started panicking. When had it gone so wrong, why? A thousand explanations were rushing to his mind but he was unable to make a choice among them, completely paralyzed by the fear to fail since the last time it was exactly what had happened to him, with Karen. And she was so far, now.

He rolled on his side and fixed the shelves of the living-room intently. There had been a photograph there once; the four of them in Central Park. It seemed that a whole decade had already passed by when she had barely left for two months and stayed in their lives half a year, not even. Someone slammed the door but he didn't move and kept on staring at the empty place where the frame was missing. He had taken it off during one of his numerous sleepless nights then burnt the picture in a fit of frustration before looking at the ruins of his story with Karen vanish in a smoky gray cloud of invisibility.

The truth was that he was not coping at all with it.

"Don't you think it's time to turn the page, now? I must to say that your reaction surprises me; in a good way though but still."

Will sat up on the couch and locked his eyes with Jack's. When Grace was around, everything was different. His behavior was softer, at least in appearance. He didn't dare to show his feelings because she probably wouldn't understand anything.

"Did she speak about me when you were together? What did she say?"

Jack bit the inside of his mouth and let his body slide on the armchair. He cleared his voice, looked down.

"You are her Will, aren't you? The one she met almost five years ago now; the one who left."

From all the people Will knew, Jack was the last one he would have been able to guess his secret. But he didn't gasp, didn't laugh either; never denied. It was fair to assume it at the end, wasn't it? A bit coward perhaps now that she had gone away.

"What did she say? What were the words she used to put on our affair?"

Before the implicit confirmation Jack didn't insist; just smiled softly as a melancholic sparkle came to caress his blue gaze.

"She said that you were the man of her life and that she had screwed up everything; that she had married Stanley in the hope to forget about you. It didn't work out of course. She never told me about the baby but I assume that it was yours. All I know is that the day she turned around and looked for you on the beach, under the rain, she wanted to die for having lost you. She always referred to you as 'her' Will. I thought it was cute until the day I understood that she only did that to hurt herself, as a sort of punishment for having let you go away so easily."

"I slept with Michael; that's why she asked me to leave. I cheated on her."

"But she so didn't care about it at the end; because she was in love with you. How did you meet her? She never alluded to the very beginning as she deeply hated speaking about the end. She just had kept in mind the most intense part of your story; the only one that really mattered to her eyes."

"I went to an auction in The Hamptons. She was there. We started speaking a bit randomly when we hit the bar at the same time and ordered our drinks. She had just argued with her so-called boyfriend, a billionaire named Stanley Walker. They weren't engaged yet and had finally decided to take some distance from each other for the summer; then see what happened. I don't know why or how I fell for her. I guess it's just the whole she represents from her smiles to the way she knows absolutely everything about modern art. I felt fine with her…"

"Then why did you go back with Michael?"

"I guess I freaked out for all the things our sudden story implied."

"Cute story…"

"Yeah well it's too late now anyway. She married Stanley and left for another country. Obviously we weren't made for a happy ending."

"Maybe it's not the end yet. Who knows? After all she rushed back in your life without any warning. It must be a sign or something."

Grace came in and smiled at both men but very soon shook her head as they didn't move and stayed serious on their respective seats.

"What's wrong with you two? She called?"

"No, she didn't. But… There's something I want to tell you, Gracie. Jack already knows about it and as a matter of fact, I shouldn't have kept it under silence for so long. It's not fair for you two; for anyone."

Grace let go of her bag slowly and swallowed hard.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you should sit down. This story may take a while."

The words slid on his lips with the fluid motion of logic. His heart was beating fast but he wasn't worried anymore. It seemed right; and relieving somehow. When he finished he simply looked at Grace and smiled, thinking that he should have never tried to hide the slightest thing from her. It had been a huge mistake that had weighed all along.


	15. Crazy wish

**Lord knows how I adore life**

**When the wind turns on the shore lies another day**

**I cannot ask for more**

Will loved outdoor markets on the picture. The authenticity of the place gave a warm, friendly touch to your heart and like rare times in your life, you felt like you were connected to everyone in a singular but yet very sweet motion. The mere idea of it was enough to set off his dreams of a better world where ignorance and hypocrisy had no room to be. But like a bitter trick, as soon as he actually put a step in one of them, the heavy reality reduced to silence his fantasies. It was always crowded and people plunged into a nonsense that flirted with anarchy. They walked so slowly that a line was forming very quickly and as others stopped without any warning, you found yourself trapped in the middle of a thousand baskets and hats. The air became oppressive as your blood was boiling in you veins then you simply lost your nerves and kept on swallowing back your frustration.

Trying to read Grace's handwriting on the list she had given him, Will finally sighed and put back the paper in his pocket. Anyway he would be the one to cook, no matter they were on vacation in The Hamptons and the only thing he would have loved to do was to rest _ alone _ and listen to the sound of the waves. Because it reminded him of her; they always sat down on the sand by night and let the peculiar lullaby rock them.

Three months had already passed by but he hadn't turned the page at all. He didn't get it as a matter of fact. Things had been odd for a while between Grace and him after his confession about his past and his feelings but everything seemed to be back to normal now. They had decided to go away for a couple of weeks, somewhere by the sea. He had chosen the place without his friends knowing the actual reason; that his story with Karen had started there once, at this exact place. It was a sort of pilgrimage in the intricate injuries of his heart and he hoped nothing but make the peace with his tearing past before going back to Manhattan.

He turned his head on his right and froze; gasped. A woman was choosing some apples a few feet further. He could only see her back, her dark hair hanging loosely in a bun and the curves of her hips; the delicacy of her nape. She looked a lot like Karen.

A few seconds flew away and he finally kept on walking. How many times had he thought she was there when it was just a perfect stranger who shared nothing with the woman he had come to know so well? He narrowed his eyes at the sun before sighing softly. Life never offered the kind of coincidences he was fantasizing about, unfortunately.

He had just bought some olives and was about to get some cheese when at the corner of a stand he bumped into someone and spilled some oil on his companion of misfortune.

"Damn it!"

"Oh I'm sorry, I…"

Something very special happened at this exact moment; something we think that can only happen in movies. They both stopped speaking and very slowly, in a perfect synchronization, looked at each other. The rest of the crowd suddenly seemed to vanish, to slow down and reduce its noise until it became a sort of very far buzz in the background and they were left alone, led by the strength of something we don't control.

Karen's hand travelled up her ivory linen dress and came to rest a bit nervously on her shoulder but as she realized Will's gaze focused on her naked ring finger, she put it down immediately; blushed. She hadn't changed that much except for the wedding band missing and the fact she had her glasses on when she used to wear contact lenses all the time. She said it was a part of how sexy she was.

He had always preferred when she narrowed her eyes behind a pair of glasses.

"What…"

Will's voice got lost in the emotion winning over his soul. He shook his head, confused; taken aback. She let an anxious laugh escape from her lips.

"I've never really left…"

xxxxxxx

She had never planned to go to England. It had just been a lie to go away from him and from Stanley at the same time. She needed to think, to analyze her life in a quiet place; somewhere where she would be alone and have no other choice than to face her problems.

She had finally settled down her choice on The Hamptons, renting a small house by the sea; not the one they had shared once though. It had been tempting but a bit too crazy.

After a month she had asked a divorce from Stanley but as much as she had tried to pack, an odd sentiment of fear had always ended up tightening her throat, confusing her heart. And she had stayed a bit longer every time until the day she had come to the conclusion that the small seaside village matched pretty well with her needs to calm down. From the on se abandoned the idea to ever come back to New York. What for, anyway?

"Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you try to reach me?"

Karen put down her Cappuccino on the table of the café they were at then locked her eyes with his brown ones. She looked happy and relieved, extremely quiet and in peace with herself. Will swallowed hard and repressed the urge to kiss her.

"Do you know a lot of people who actually want to see back the ones who broke their hearts? I've been so harsh with you that I can barely understand how you could accept to sit down here and talk for a while, honey."

A bitter smile lit up her face as she looked aside and shrugged, trying to pretend that she was fine. She jumped under the warm contact of his hand over hers as he leaned over the table.

"Because you're all I have ever wanted in my life…"


	16. Eternal wish

**Oh mysteries of love**

**Where war is no more**

**I'll be there anytime**

A year later

His hands slid on her waist and led her to the ground to sit down between his legs. Slowly, she abdicated to his request then sighed of relief as her feet disappeared in the warm sand of the beach. She leaned her head backwards against his chest and smiled as her hazel eyes kept on observing the waves below.

The sun was already declining through the sky in purple shades while a soft breeze had substituted the high temperatures of the past afternoon. Some families seemed to go in extra time on the beach, enjoying it until the last moment when their hunger pushed them to retreat home in order to have diner.

His fingers came to rest on her stomach; she intertwined them with her own ones. He kissed her temple, softly.

"Are you alright?"

She quietly nodded then closed her eyes, abandoning herself to the peace of his heartbeats and the heat of his body around her.

So many things had happened within a year; since the day they had bumped into each other at the outdoor market. She had listened to him, paid attention to the words he had used and burst into tears _ a bit absurdly though _ before the obviousness of his feelings.

The day she had turned thirty-six years old, Karen had thought that the lightness of love would only belong to a past that matched an innocence she had suddenly lost. And so she would never experiment it again, not with an identical strength to the one she used to own in her twenties. She had become an adult without realizing it and everything was over now.

Then Will had come up with his words, making her bitterness tip over and vanish in a whirl of extreme confusion that only flirted with an old hope, a fade one, of happiness. It had always been him. The very first time she had seen him, it had turned so clear in her head but for a whole series of reasons she had just pretended that it was stupid, untrue.

But all of a sudden he had changed her so-called new bases telling her how in love he was; promises of eternity over a sentiment that nobody really controlled if we had had to be honest. But it had warmed up her heart and had given life back to her timid desire to have hopes. Her tears had run down her cheeks then melted in their kiss. They hadn't spent a single day far from each other since then.

Their lives had crossed on a Sunday morning. By the afternoon they were back at the place he had been renting and the situation seemed to be back under logic; the four of them. Like it should always have been; Grace, Jack, Will and Karen… The very next day they had got married more by an impulsive whim than anything else, a sort of symbol perhaps. None of them really knew. It had happened and that was all. A bit later they had announced it to their respective families and life had gone on.

Sometimes Karen thought that it was too easy, too soft and calm to be real. They almost never argued but spent hours in each other's arms. She loved waking up against him when the morning light caressed their flesh and the heat of the blanket warmed their bones in a soft embrace. She looked at his lips then locked her eyes with his as her fingers passed along his cheek. His hand tightened his grip on her waist and they smiled; then kissed. It was just perfect.

Did everything really have to come to an end? Her entire past seemed to confirm this idea but she did her best not to think about it. Something was different with Will. She couldn't really explain it but the idea nonetheless invaded her mind and she allowed herself to fantasize about a tomorrow; together.

Of course she had packed and moved in with him at the end of his vacations; back to Manhattan and his small, friendly apartment. They weren't planning to look for another one; not yet. Maybe the situation in a couple of years would change their minds but since Grace had left to live with Leo, there was no urge, no real need to.

"Are you tired?"

"Just a bit… It's tensed; not so enjoyable."

She bit her lower lip and blushed before her confession. If she had had to highlight the biggest change of the year, she would have probably talked about the way she had opened to him. Little by little Karen let Will get through her mind, her feelings and the truth was that it wasn't so bad at the end. She started appreciating it.

"Do you want to try the bath? They say it's good for you and it helps to relax."

"Maybe later, yeah… I'm just fine right now. It's okay, honey."

A little boy passed in front of them running. He was probably four of five years old; holding an old teddy bear in his hand. His mother followed a few feet behind, looking carefully at him but still letting him some space for his own autonomy. They all needed it at this age. Karen looked at him and swallowed hard then made a face before the immediate reaction of her own body. Will laughed, planted a kiss on her cheek then murmured.

"Calm down, it's not yours."

Grace and Jack finally made their way out of the house and took the stairs down to the beach to join them; barely slowed down as they caught up Will and Karen kissing.

"I'm sorry if I interrupt you but this is a public place and we would all like to contemplate the sunset in peace. Thank you."

Jack pouted and pretended to be offended by the intimate moment he had walked in on then settled next to Karen on the sand as Grace sat down by Will's side. Everyone turned quiet and looked at the ocean.

Will slightly bent over; his hot breath brushed her ear.

"Don't be scared, Karen. I'll be there anytime."

Then he tightened his grip softly over her eight-month pregnant stomach.


End file.
